Otter Toast Consultancy

toast consultancy business card

The other day me and Teddy decided to start a business. We did this for two reasons. Firstly Otter Keeper just doesn’t give enough pocket money, which has been causing us a few problems recently. And secondly, well Teddy has actually forgotten what the second reason was (but it was a very good reason). Anyway Starting a business is really easy if you know what you want to do… We know exactly what we are going to do. We are setting up a Toast Consultancy company!

Otter Keeper said at this point we were getting a bit too excited,he warned us that starting a business is really quite hard. Apparently there are lots of things you need to think about, like tax and stuff like that. (Otter Keeper doesn’t mean to be a fun ruiner, it’s just the way he is!)

Anyway, As soon as Otter Keeper left for work this morning we got started on the business. We began by thinking about tax for a bit (like Otter Keeper told us to). We weren’t really sure what tax was but we definitely thought about it, and for a long time too. This got the business off to a great start!

our new offices

Next we had to build our office. This would be hard for some people but me and Teddy are experts at this kind of thing. We did however run into a little trouble with our comms system. The problem is we only have one phone in the house and this would naturally now have to be commandeered to be our new business line.

This was unfortunate, but Teddy says he doesn’t mind telling any of Otter Keeper’s friends that phone up that if they don’t have a toast query could they please write Otter Keeper a letter and communicate in this fashion from now on. I said this could be a bit rude but Teddy insists it’s just business. He’s quite a ruthless business bear. If he continues like this I will have to put him under the sofa pillow again to calm him down.

Me and Teddy understand better than most how sad it can be when toasting goes wrong.Our business plan is to make sure that if someone is having trouble cooking toast correctly that they have access to the help they need. So we are offering two packages.

  • Package 1 – Basic toasting support (10p per month) Includes access to our telephone helpline and our weekly handmade newsletter (full colour crayon)
  • Package 2 -Toasting plus (15p per month) Includes the above but Teddy is also available for 24 hour emergency call outs (I would go but I might be busy – Teddy has more free time than me)

Additionally we also have a counselling service to help people deal with things when toasting goes wrong (like burnt toast) we help them come to terms with the fact that burnt toast does happen . A special technique we have is to explain that some people actually like burnt toast! (yes that is true!).
We’ve been practising on Giraffe – he saw Otter Keeper burn toast last week and he’s not been the same since. We’re making progress though!

counciling a friend on toast

Anyway I should go – Teddy needs more training before his first call out and hopefully any time now the first customer will ring Otter Keeper said he would tell some of his friends at his work about our business and we’ve also put a little poster in the downstairs window. With all that marketing It wont be long now before someone calls, and when they do me and Teddy will be ready because we really are very very good at running a business.



  1. Kirsten February 22, 2011 at 5:23 am

    Dear Otter & Teddy, congratulations on your new business. I’m sure it will be a huge success. I have printed out your business card & taped it to my toaster, ready for any emergency I might have. It’s such a relief to know that there is help available now. Big cuddles to you both.

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  3. Oliver February 22, 2011 at 5:52 am

    Finally, some real help in this area!

  4. Louise February 22, 2011 at 7:01 am

    I agree with Kirsten and Oliver, this new business is a brilliant idea, I’m sure Otter and Teddy will be make a great success of it. At last I’ll know who to turn to the next time I have a toast trauma.

  5. thepetmuseum February 22, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Yay! Best of luck to you Otter and Teddy! Poorly done toast is a scourge that must be wiped out.

  6. Dozer and Cooper February 22, 2011 at 8:57 am

    We are in awe of your business sense and finding your niche in the world of Toast. We rarely get toast, although I am sure we would love it very much. Perhaps you could have another service on “how to acquire toast if your do not have opposable thumbs”. Just a thought. Or perhaps mail service toast wherein you could send toast to those of us without toast.

    All the best from across the Pond, Dozer and Cooper Edwards

  7. MKT February 22, 2011 at 9:20 am

    How can I subscribe to package 2, otter? Does it also include advise on how to repair broken Argos toasters? Incidentally, it’s not good for your health to have burnt toast. Be sure to clarify that to your customers.

  8. ikea February 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Hi Otter,
    i am totally planning to use your services because my toast seems to burn a lot recently and it is not so good. i tried to check on your advertised page, but apparently some dog has been walking there?!? plz help!

  9. ikea February 22, 2011 at 10:30 am

    also, greetings to the giraffe! ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Maria February 22, 2011 at 11:18 am

    Wow, what a brilliant idea for a business!!! I hope you get lots and lots of customers, best of luck!!!

  11. bev otter February 22, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Totally impressed by your business sense. I am someone who likes burnt toast but my little otter’s hate it so I may need your services in the future! Adorable pictures. XXX

  12. Jack the Cat February 22, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Wow…what a great idea!!! Best of luck in your new business.

  13. Louloute Otter February 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Hello Otter,

    I need extra tutorial for my toast tomorrow morning because I want to make Oliver Sea-otter a surprise.I need advice for right tempered toast and a nutritional consultancy about what he would like most on his toast !
    He wakes up at 6am, so please call me back before ! Here is my phone nr. 00 33 2 45 38 62 03 (I love international calls – so long series of numbers : it’s real brain training. The longer the number, the more important the call !) I hope you take credit cards or have a Paypal account (I don’t know exactly what it is but it seems to be something very important : it looks like being a kind of insurance if your advice was wrong and I want my money back. Otters are very skittish clients and they’re complaining very often, you’re aware of this !) I can’t wait getting your advice though and I already know I’ll need it regularly. Your offer is insufficient though. You must have a luxury package for very important otters (VIOs) “The golden toast” offer for one euro (you must ask keeper how much it is in pounds) with weekly new recipes, fresh flower service every day and here comes the most important recycling or storage of exceeding production and burnt toasts. Maybe me and TT could help you for this last very delicate point because giraffe might be quickly overworked if you get back too many burnt toast packages. There is a very easy solution although it may lead you into trouble : Give everyone wanting you to recycle their toasts, Kate’s address instead of yours or you can try to feed birds with. After having council with TT we came to the conclusion though that the best toast recycler would be the hoover who’s very greedy and loves bread crumbs. His neck is much longer than giraffe’s whose life he’ll help preserving. Your consultancy would this way be not only a culinary and nutritional should to better toast statistics in the world, it would also be an important step for health prevention of toast consumers.
    PS the major reason why I propose to participate to recycling is that me and TT hope you’ll make us an as amazing business card as yours !
    XXXXX Louloute and TT
    And don’t forget call me back as soon as you hear the cock !

  14. Scotter February 22, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Otter and Teddy, in my haste to ready for work, I did not hear the toaster pop up. I should have paid closer attention on your tutorial. My toast sat, alone in those little slots, until I returned home from work this evening. Sad, lonely toast, and me…a hungry host! A quick trip to the food processor though, and the toast became crunchy bits I used to top my chicken. Yum! Toast is versatile!

  15. Clare February 23, 2011 at 4:18 am

    Fantabulous idea for a business, and I’m sure I will be requiring your services in the very near future. Do I hear ‘Dragon’s Den’ calling? xx

  16. Madame Riverotter February 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    My Dearest Otter, I love both your Business and your Tutorial! Might I engage your business for both elevenses and Tea? I prefer my toasts and crumpets toasted very darkly or you may use raisin toasts if you like. I think that Otter Keeper should allow you run your business provided it doesn’t interfere with your education. An Otter should have a good well rounded education and you are still very Young yet. This is sound advice from an Otter-Mum. Please do let me know about your service’s price though, my Darling Child! I look forward to it! With Love — Otter Mum

  17. Catherine and Ferret February 23, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Hello Otter and Teddy! ANOTHER grand Otter story! You have again made my day! FIRST OFF–NO MORE putting Teddy under the Sofa Cushion! Bad Idea! You dont want him to get hurt feelings again and wander off right!!
    I cant wait to call and get Toast Advice! I am so looking forward to it! I have notified all of my friends too and they are so excited to know of your
    new business! I must have some of your new toast Full Crayon posters too! I love the office you and Teddy built! and PLEASE give my hugs to Giraffe as well! I wish you all the best in your new business venture Otter! I just know that you and Teddy are going to be a huge success! and if Keeper objects to the phone line being tied up, then we shall just have to make him understand that there are certain sacrifices he will have to make until your Toast Consultancy Business is the BEST BUSINESS EVER in your area!
    Love to you and Teddy and thank you so much for sharing another amazing
    Otter Story with us!

  18. Otter with Especially Strong Tail February 26, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Hello Otter! I am delighted by your stories, and mightily impressed with your business acumen. Otter Keeper is very lucky indeed to live with such a talented otter. I have a question about coffee. I’m the sort of otter who likes coffee, but only if it’s blended with ice and milk. I noticed that you have a rather handsome drinks flask with a star and straw – does it contain coffee? If so, is it hot or cold? And most importantly of all, if it’s cold, how do you make it? A lot of questions, I know, but I’m hoping that I’ve found a kindred otter spirit who might be able to offer some advice.

  19. Kitsune March 1, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    This is amazing, Otter!

  20. Heather March 17, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    I have faith that you will succeed! Everybody needs a little help now and then with the art of toasting, it can be hard at times.

  21. the Otter LIT class January 9, 2013 at 5:26 pm

    dear otter and teddy we hope you get rich and have alot of customers you guys are the best at making toast. tell otter keeper that we siad hi and how was your holiday and you make the best toast ever!

  22. Ronda February 23, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    How wonderful! You’d be surprised how many people need help like this. Good luck!

  23. Anonymous February 23, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    If I live in America, can I still sign up? ๐Ÿ™‚

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