The Hoover

Last week Me and Teddy found out that hoovers are actually the worst thing EVER!
A hoover is a bit like a pet. Otter Keeper will take it for a walk around the house once or twice a week. There’s nothing wrong with this, me and teddy have discussed it and we think it’s good that Otter Keeper has hobbies. However the hoover really doesn’t appreciate Otter Keeper and it makes a REALLY loud whining noise that for some reason he puts up with! This is really unfair because if me and Teddy made that amount of noise (like when we do band practice) we would definitely get in trouble.

The hoover had been getting on our nerves more than ever recently and the last straw came when Otter Keeper said he had his friend coming round for tea. For some reason this meant spending even more time with the hoover and taking it for extra long walks around the house (maybe he was worried the hoover would feel left out when his friend arrived as it wouldn’t get much attention?).Teddy said he’d had enough of the hoover and something must be done – I agreed.

teddy attack We decided to approach the hoover and have a serious talk about its future. Teddy (who is good at this type of thing) went first but before we knew what was happening he was attacked! The Hoover had tried to gain an advantage and attacked Teddy when he was least expecting it. There was no excuse for this and it was most distressing for him, he was even more quiet than usual for the rest of the day. Otter Keeper wouldn’t take the attack seriously and this made things worse, so we retreated to a temporary Otter strategical outpost to try to come up with a plan. Even though he was still very shocked Teddy came up with a very good one.
So we wrote the hoover a note and left it outside its house (the cupboard under the stairs). We demanded that it made an official apology for the unprovoked attack on Teddy and immediately withdrew its services to Otter Keeper. The note also suggested it do the noble thing and put itself outside to be collected by the bin men. The note was delivered and everything was in place. If we hadn’t heard from the hoover by the time Teletubbies had finished then a state of war would exist between us. I regret to tell you … me and Teddy heard nothing. the stand off
self defence So after Teletubbies had finished we embarked on the first offensive. It was a very clever offensive as it involved us pouncing just as the hoover was in its most vulnerable position. We were expecting a hard battle, but the hoover must have known deep down it had gone too far as it put up little resistance. Me and Teddy couldn’t believe it, we had won the war already, victory was ours and for a few moments everything was great. It was shortly after this that I got into lots of trouble.

Apparently hoovers are VERY expensive and VERY important and you should NEVER NEVER EVER push them down the stairs. It appeared Teddy had misjudged the situation and the hoover was more of a valued friend to Otter Keeper than we had accounted for. We tried to suggest he replaced the hoover with a kitten as a pet instead but Otter Keeper said this was not the same thing at all? he said you couldn’t clean the house with a kitten. Teddy cleverly pointed out that you might be able to if it were a nice kitten and you asked it politely. Otter Keeper didn’t agree and I advised Teddy to keep quiet, we were in lots of trouble.

Things were still a little sad the next day because me and Teddy were still in trouble. But then Otter Keeper came home with a new hoover. Me and Teddy were annoyed but tried to make an effort to be friends… however we quickly realised that this hoover was different. This hoover had an inbuilt Otter riding facility – and as Teddy pointed out, this changed everything.

Teddy now admits he was too harsh with judging the hoover and Otter Keeper is so pleased we’re all getting on that I don’t think we’re even in trouble any more! I now know that not all hoovers are bad and some are actually really brilliant – which is great news. (I’d still quite like a kitten though) Teddy said maybe he could ride around on the new kitten whilst I go on the hoover. I told Teddy to stop being so stupid – everyone knows that kittens are very different from hoovers.

me on the new hoover

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